I probably wouldn’t have bothered writing this rant if not for the fact that I have one facebook friend who seems to join another group which makes me quite angry based on its name alone every few hours.
"Tribute 2 the ppl who flash their headlights when there's a speeding camera"
All I hate about this group is the abbreviations "2" and "ppl". Other than those two problems this is quite a good group. There is nothing more dangerous than a speeding camera.
They appear out of nowhere and due to their minimal sentience they are unable to stop if they are hurtling towards an innocent pedestrian, or another driver. People who flash there lights to warn others of the presence of speeding cameras are not only outstanding citizens but lucky to be alive after being in the proximity of a high speed vehicle piloted by an inanimate object.
"I hate people"
What better way to celebrate that than by creating a group on a social networking website and then encouraging others to join?
"Lots of things girls need to understand about guys!! (January 2007 Edition)"
"*30 Reasons Girls Should Call It A Night*"
"TRASHBAGS..........."
"I grew up in Australia in the 90s"
"If you remember this you grew up in the 90's" (Yes, this person felt the need to join both)
"35 things porn has taught me..."
...As well as many others. These are the "Myspace bulletins" of facebook. Now, several of us are very aware that myspace bulletins are utterly pointless. You can try to ignore them, but every time you log in they are right there infront of you on the main page. They are only there until 5 or 10 of your friends post new bulletins and then they are off the front page. These groups are much the same, but somewhat more annoying. They are on your friends page all the time, and when a friend joins a new group you get notified.
"Everything Can Be Answered With a Simpsons Quote"
No, it can't.
"If this group Reaches 150,000 members I will name my son Batman"
No, you won't.
"Legally Blonde gave me unrealistic expectations about Law School"
No, it didn't.
"I read the menu, but deep down i know im getting the Parma."
AKA "I'm boring and unadventurous"
"My mother-in-law shits me to tears"
This facebook friend of mine is unmarried.
"My Boyfriend's Mother Hates Me *Minnesota Chapter*"
And she doesn't live in Minnesota.
"I Hate When Puddles Eat the Bottom of My Jeans"
Incredibly easy to avoid.
"The worldwide society for the promoton of male arrogance"
Promotion of arrogance? There is a sure fire way to reduce social conflicts and, indeed, the worlds problems.
"For every girl who has been let down by the male species."
Species?
"I have voluptuous breasts and people like them"
Pity they think you are an obnoxious whore.
"There's a good chance I'm an alcoholic, but meh, so are all my friends."
Another thing I can't stand is people who cannot determine to difference to getting drunk from time to time and alcoholism. Whilst it is possible that these people may be alcoholics, and perhaps even probable that they will one day become alcoholics, if you can sit there and say "I'm an alcoholic!" and have a laugh about it, you aren't. What you are, however, is an attention seeking fuckhead who will, with any luck, will die in a manner not dissimilar to Jimmi Hendrix.
"Can We Forget About The Things I Said [And/Or Did] When I Was Drunk"
Another idiotic one. There was a comedian that I was watching the other night (I say that, but I was watching a DVD from 2004) had a line about how being drunk doesn't completely change your personality - it just lowers your inhibitions. If you did something idiotic it's because you are, deep down, an idiot. That said, most people are idiots right up to the surface.
"Crown Lager IS a TOP SHELF BEER"
This one is a "resonse" to a group called (wait for it) "Crown Lager is NOT a top shelf Beer". Now, while Crown Lager is a pretty shit beer, a group telling me that is completely unnecesary. However some of the justifications about why Crown Lager IS a good beer are idiotic. Such as: "It is the country's original premium beer and continues to outsell any other premium beer." So what? VB is one of the best selling beers and it is absolutely shithouse. Sales mean fuck all when you are selling to people who have about as much of an idea about what constitutes a good beer as a speeding camera.
"Keep Your Fucking Hand Down in Lecture and Shut Up. No One Cares."
This one shits me. It seems to be made by the sort of people I have come to loathe beyond belief. The sorts that come to university in order to avoid learning as much as possible. The sort of people that have a cry about the lecturer not telling them EXACTLY what parts of the course will be on the exam (see: anything I have said about second years). The sorts of people that, if they do manage to turn up for a class, sit there the entire time wanting the class to be over. Basically if you are in this facebook group you should fuck off an stop coming to class. One of my friends told me a while ago "It's easy to tell when you aren't paying attention in lectures because you don't say anything". I actively participate in most of my lectures. If I don't understand something, I'll say so. Since I consider myself better than most other people anyway it seems reasonable to assume that if I don't understand something then other people probably don't either, so saying that "No one cares" is idiotic.
"The Drunken Text Appreciation Society"
Again with the glorification of being a drunken idiot. I guess the only good thing about facebook groups is that it gives me a very good indication of people I should avoid.
"People Who Always Have To Spell Their Names For Other People"
I also have this problem. However, I have absolutely no desire to create or join a facebook group dedicated to recuiting members who all have names which could possibly be spelled various ways. It is an absolutely inane thing to be concerned about. The fact that you have a name which could be correctly spelled in various ways is not the fault of the speller.
The fact that I have used groups which annoy me based on the names and the reasoning behind them is somewhat unnecessary due to me also hating facebook groups based on things I agree with. "Crown Lager is NOT a top shelf Beer". True, I think Crown Lager is a massively over-rated beer. However joining a facebook group dedicated to this point is completely without reason. It will not change anything, it would just make me look like a dickhead.
"I Secretly Want To Punch Slow Walking People In The Back Of The Head"
I hate people who walk slowly in front of me in groups. I don't have a problem with people who walk slower than me in general. I usual walk fairly quickly, and I am aware of this. If I hated people just for walking slower than me I'd likely explode in some fashion. However, if you are walking slowly in a group in such a manner than I cannot pass you (eg: on an overpass) then you should get the fuck out of the way.
"I judge you when you use poor grammar."
I hate it when people have worse grammar than me. However I am aware that I, like most people in that group, do not have perfect grammar. I am ready and willing to be corrected at any time.
"If You Can't Differentiate Between "Your" and "You're" You Deserve To Die"
Interesting that they felt the need to join this group as well as the one above. I would have thought that this would have been implied.
Any sort of "name" group.
I don't need to join a group of people who share my first, last or both names and neither do you.
"I Have The Best Boyfriend Ever"
Considering it has more than one member, and not a single one of those members is my girlfriend, this group is blatantly wrong.
"Anyone who drives slower than me is an asshole!"
This is a terrific one. Although I don't know for sure how many members are cameras the comments left on the wall seem to imply that most members would be beaten by a camera on an IQ test.
I compiled this incredibly breif list based on one friends group memberships. I am disgusted at them, and also for myself for clicking "accept" when they requested me to be their friend on facebook. Almost all facebook groups are fucking pointless.