Teamfrouse Beta 0.1
Home | Rants | Forum	Register | Login

Title:	Stupid Phrases
Author:	Toam	Posted: 27-02-2007
I was going to compile a big list of phrases and things that really piss me off but recently uni has gone back and the inspired rage has made me decide to post this up sooner and in a slightly different format than I originally intended. I am aware that Maddox has done a very similar article and I make no apologies for getting annoyed at something that another man has gotten annoyed at. Maddox's article can be found here. “I wouldn’t fuck her with your dick” This phrase is said to imply that a woman is so hideously ugly that Person A would not have sex with her even if he could use Person B’s penis to do so. This implies that it would be better to fuck an ugly chick with someone else’s penis, yet the woman in question is so ugly that you still wouldn’t do it with someone else’s. How are you supposed to fuck someone with someone else dick? Are you supposed to hold it in your hand and use it much like a dildo? That sounds like a much better option than using your own! Not only do you still have to be present during the sex with this woman you clearly don’t want to have sex with, you also have your hands firmly wrapped around another mans penis. Also, if you say that you wouldn’t fuck this ugly woman with my penis does this mean that you see attractive women and think “Woah, I’d totally fuck her with Person B’s dick”? That would be ridiculous. Where is the window? At some point a woman must be ugly enough for you to not want to fuck with your own penis but not quite ugly enough that you wouldn’t use another person’s penis. Why the fuck would you do that? It makes no sense. For more information on why it makes no sense, re-read the first paragraph. This entire phrase is ridiculous because there is no situation in which you would use another person’s penis to have sex with a woman. “Catch” Used as a farewell. This monosyllabic phrase is derived from the disyllabic “Catch ya!” which in it self a derivation of “Catch you later” similar to “See you later”. It is an abbreviation of an abbreviation and is entirely unnecessary. The abbreviation to “Catch you/ya” I can accept as all the word ‘later’ does is state that the next meeting will occur at a time later than meeting which is currently ending. Often the word later can be replace with something more specific, such as an actual time of the next meeting. In fact, until time travel is invented and freely used the use of the rather general ‘later’ is only used as a guarantee that another meeting of the two people will actually occur at some point. Regardless of the possibility of time travel the word ‘catch’ is a completely unacceptable farewell. Any sentence that uses the abbreviations “u” “ur” “lol” “rofl” etc Seriously, it makes me want to stab you in the face. Also people who consistently spell things wrong/use the wrong word. For example, saying “then” instead of “than” just because when it is said in a slack way it sounds like “then” so they spell it phonetically. Also people who use Americanised spelling and use ‘z’ where they should be using ‘s’. Also people who are from Australia (and pretty much every other non-US country) and use the spelling ‘ass’ instead of ‘arse’, ‘mom’ instead of ‘mum’ and so on. Stab, stab, stab. “It’s only illegal if you get caught” This absolutely terrific phrase is one that is now popular on t-shirts. I’ve seen this around uni and it makes me want to take a running start and launch into a vicious fly kick aimed at the wearers face. “It’s only illegal if you get caught”. Wrong, dickhead. Firstly it is unspecific as to what “it” is referring to. I have caught you wearing that stupid shirt, therefore – according to your own shirt – you wearing that shirt is now illegal. I think it is fair to assume that the shirt is referring the super cool act of committing a crime that all the greatest guys and girls do frequently just to demonstrate to their friends, family, neighbours, co-workers, pets etc just how independent they are and how willing they are to rebel against a repressive legal system. Hey fuckwit, I hope you die in a brutal fly fishing accident. Speaking of t-shirts: “Last Clean Shirt” Man I fucking hate this shirt. I have seen it worn at uni as well and also just random people on trains. This shirt makes me want to throw and endless barrage of punches to the wearers face and abdomen mainly because when I see people wearing it on a crowded train my previously mentioned fly kicking method would be quite difficult to execute. I hate a few things about this shirt: First, you can absolutely guarantee that the wearer has other clean shirts because they are some trendy idiot who spends most of their money on their so called fashion. Second, it isn’t always going to be accurate. I bet a whole lot of these trendy fucks that wear this shirt live at home with their parents and their parents do their washing for them because they are spoilt and bratty. What if their parents wash another shirt? The statement is no longer accurate. It should read “Last clean shirt at tome of dressing” to at least account for this possibility. Third I hate how there is some sort of glorification (of what, I’m not sure exactly) involved in announcing this in t-shirt form. Sometimes I’ll wear a dirty shirt because I am out of clean shirts. Should I wear a sign announcing this? What would that achieve? Should I write “only pair of shoes” on my shoes? No, because no one cares and it is completely fucking pointless.
Trendy fuckwits actually have 250 other clean shirts, contrary to their announcement.